Is it normal to gauge every decision on whether or not we would find it acceptable if our children were acting the same way? When I find myself getting bent out of shape over something, I simply ask myself, "How would you feel if your son were reacting the same way to a similar circumstance?"
Its become not just about being proud of myself, but being someone I not only want my son to be proud of, but someone he would be proud to emulate. Isn't it strange how we grow up seeking our fathers approval, and then raise children that we hope are also proud of us? Its a cycle that continues from generation to generation, from father to son, and so on and so on.
I've already started noticing the differences in my personality since finding out about impending fatherhood. He's not here quite yet, but here's what I've learned so far:
- Our son will fill up a diaper, whether I enjoy the smell of excrement in the morning or not. He doesn't need to adjust, I need to.
- They say 93% of communication is non-verbal. Well that's not going to cut it considering 100% of their communication is non-verbal early on. I've learned how to voice my opinion well, but acting out opinions in a game of baby charades is going to be a new experience.
- Mom is always right. Enough said.
- My role is ever evolving. There will be times when I need to play housekeeper, and times when I need to be the "boss", still second to Mom, but a boss nonetheless. Being flexible is key.
- Being stupid is also ok. If I need to put face paint on, bark like a dog, or dress up like Santa, than thats the breaks. Being stupid for our sons enjoyment? Priceless.
- Sleep is overrated. I don't sleep much to begin with, which should help once baby makes landfall. I'm being told I will have a new found respect for sleep once the baby is here. We'll see.
- Being a "Stay At Home CEO" is going to be a huge advantage, with some disadvantages, all at once.
- Mom is always right. Worth repeating.
- There will probably be a day where baby, Mom and dog are all crying, upset, and hungry. My mission, which I've already accepted, is to be the cooler head. Its my job to put one to bed, sooth another, and feed the remaining......in no particular order.
- Its possible to read everything about fatherhood, and know absolutely nothing, yet feel excited about it at the same time.
I still remember the first time I felt the baby kicking......well, not exactly kicking. I've been feeling flutters for weeks, and the butterflies are in a frenzy for sure. Its almost like interviewing for a job that you've already been hired for, that you're not entirely sure if your suited or prepared for. You're grateful for the job, couldn't imagine not having it, but know there will be moments when you question your ability. But the best approach - jump in head first, mom in one hand, baby in the other. If this isn't "On-The-Job Training" I don't know what is.
I am enjoying your blog more & more each day. I recently became a first time father on 2/24, and reading your thoughts on the subject are taking me back to a time that was literally less that 6 weeks ago, but feels so distant, now that my projections & estimations have been replaced with hard & fast truths. Sure, there are still questions to be answered, but, now the questions are much more tailored. I appreciate your attention to detail, and your commitment to your family, but, I see it a bit exhausting. Let me see if I can change your perspective for a bit here...
ReplyDeleteSimilar to the "sleep" comment, I get the vibe that you are one of those guys who is on "go" mode, 24/7: That said, continue to do your homework, but make it a field trip instead of a cram session. Try to soak in the time you & your wife have alone. I was naive enough to think that even with kids, there would be alone time. It was not until that after I because a father, did I realize that there is a difference in being alone mentally & physically. Pre-Children, alone is just that: You & your thoughts, no agenda. Post-Children, even alone in the physical sense, your thoughts are always on the child, and I will say it is extremely hard to not think about them: I think that's what is so consuming about parenthood: The inability to "not" do things.
Even laying next to your wife on the couch, with the baby safe at your parents for the evening, will be a challenge in the future for you. So my advice is relax, sleep, as much as you want, eat, and journal these quiet moments, because you will have lots to think & blog about, as it will never be quiet again (in a good way though).
I realize this may thwart your efforts to blog before baby comes (likely not going to happen) but we would all understand if you don't do it as often; at least the parents will. Best of luck.
Thanks for the great feedback. Its funny because I don't feel like I get all the thoughts of impending fatherhood out as often as needed. Between the pre and post-planning, helping mom, redecorating, etc, etc (all of which parents can relate to) I feel like its a good precursor to what like +1 will be like soon enough. Congratulations on your little one!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I am excited about your up coming parenthood. It'll be interesting to see how you handle each situation. It's a tough road but as you said, you learn a lot. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've changed as a person, for the better, since becoming a mother :)
ReplyDeleteThanks much! I'm interested as well....I'm sure many experiences are going to make me feel like I'm the only person on Earth who's had to deal with them. I keep reminding myself that people do it every day! Looking forward to joining the club!
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