Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Why I Love Sundays - Being a "Single" Father

For one day each week, everything is perfect.  I don't feel the failures when I'm at the park.  There's no resentment or regret when we're reading.  It's impossible to feel sadness and shame when we're singing, or sliding, or swinging.  Playing with trains and Lego blocks replaces any pain.  Everything wrong is replaced with everything that's right.

Never in a million years could I imagine myself becoming a "single" parent.  I use quotations when saying I'm a "single" parent because I really feel more like a parent who happens to be single.  My sons mother is responsible for the majority of the parenting that's taken place since crashing into the world of co-parenting.  And she's doing it perfectly.

In no way am I raising this beautiful baby boy singularly. Not even mostly, not equally, and not good enough.  If seven days a week wasn't enough time for me to be with my son before, how could a small fraction of that even come close?

But what do you do when you're torn between rebuilding your life, while trying to spend time with your only reason for caring?  How do you discover the type of person you will be moving forward while being the father he deserves today?

When the separation first took place I seriously contemplated whether or not I should even bother trying to continue being the father he deserved now that I wasn't going to be in his life 100%.  How could I face his mother, leave our home, not kiss my son goodnight every night, miss out on many of the things we were going to learn together, yet still be as committed as I was the day he was born??

How do you go from CEO to a part-time temp, with enthusiasm??

These are the thoughts that probably race through the minds of some "single" parents when deciding to part ways.  But, in truth, I soon realized that he needed me now, more than ever.

Though our home may be broken, I refuse to be the reason his heart is as well.  All kids need a father as much as they need a mother.  And, if for only a few hours a week right now, I will be the absolute best father this little boy could ever ask for.  For that one day a week I'm whole, and he's with his daddy.

He taught me that I'm not a single parent, I'm his father.  Something I am always, every second of every day, for the rest of his life.  I love Sunday's, I love being a father - his father - and I love, most of all, that weekly reminder that he too loves his father.

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