Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A Pug and Our Pregnancy

Playing the fiddle sucks.  Other than the triangle, there may be no lamer instrument.  Playing third fiddle....well, that's as low as it gets.  And ever since the lady and I found out we were having our first child, I was knocked out of the starting lineup, and into the role of full-time fiddling.

The pecking order seems out of whack lately, thanks to the pug.  They say that dogs can sense a pregnancy.  And ours is acting stranger than usual.  He spends his time now one step behind mom, looking at me with disgust, out of the corner of his smug pug face. It's as if he's thinking, "Look at you!  Look what you did. Now I need to step in and make sure the dog sh*t doesn't hit the fan.  Do you even know how to raise a child??  Didn't think so - so why don't you just go fill my bowl or fetch the paper or something.  Make yourself useful, while I keep mom entertained."

And the worst part of it all....there's nothing I can do about it.  While mom is prepping herself for motherhood and baby showers, the pug is protecting her, offering all the support she needs.  He just crept right in, and took my starting spot, before I had a chance to defend myself.

I'm left wandering around the house like some tourist in a foreign country where everyone speaks a language I don't understand.  "Food....I think I want food.  I will walk to the kitchen now and look for food.  Then I will eat said food.  And it will be great."  The pug laughs at my simpleness......and goes back to being the ugliest cute dog ever made.

How did this happen?  Just a few months ago, I was the man of the house.  I called the shots.  I had all the power.  Now the pug is in the passenger seat, while I'm hanging out the back window just happy to be in the car with my new owners.

A funny thing happens to us men when we learn about becoming a father for the first time.  Hundreds of books talk about what to do when the little one arrives. But there are very few that give us instructions prior to the baby's arrival.  My preggo partner now weilds all power.  And it's sexy.  And I can't help but smile over her strength, her calm, her cool.  Sex during pregnancy is safe, right?  They say the sex drive really picks up during the second trimester......hers too.  Her hair looks amazing.....and those definitely look bigger....God, how long has it been??  Maybe tonight is the night!!  

I move closer.

She looks at me out of the corner of her eye.

I put my arm around her.  Give her a kiss.  "How you feeling?"

"Pretty good", she says.

"Oh yea?" is the best line I come up with.

"Yea", she responds.

"Well...."  I inch closer......"Why don't we.....


Damn you dog!  Damn you!!  He stares a hole right through me.  I stare back, as if it's a contest.  And I'm not blinking.  I consider jabbing him in the ribs, but realize that would ruin any chance of moving back into the starting lineup and scoring tonight.  She thinks he's being cute.....which means he wins.  Again.  And I go back to resuming my role as head chef/dog walker/errand boy.  I'm getting pretty good at this actually, and only five more months to go!!  I'm learning how to prepare for our growing, and sometimes growling, family - from the end of the bench.


  1. Haha, since our son was born I think our dogs are about ready to resign. We have two dogs, one loves our son (in fact he didn't eat for a week b/c he was so excited to see him) and the other is just pissed. One day - when they realize that he can give them food they are going to become best friends. For now - the baby is simply taking up perfectly good couch/lap space.

    1. I'm banking on our son and dog keeping each other entertained, hopefully on a consistent basis. Fingers crossed!

  2. At least you haven't got a huge farting basset hound drooling up your home!
    I have pug envy now. In fact the pug should have his own blog!

    1. The pug has his own castle, with two servants, and a baby jester on the way....he's above blogging.