Our Son, In 26 Years

I wish I could see the future.

For myself - Where am I? What am I doing? How happy am I? Am I successful, healthy, wiser?

For my girlfriend -  Are we married.....nevermind, yes, we're definitely married.  Are we happily married? Is she spending her time how she wants to spend it?  Is she proud of her husband? Are we going where we want to go, when we want to go, and how we want to go?

For our son - What's he like? What's he into?  Is he like his dad? His mom? A little of both? Where does he live? What does he do for a living?  Is he happy, motivated, positive?  Does he look up to his parents?

I'm not a visionary, but I do know how I can all but guarantee that our son is living life the "right" way.  In fact, there's only one way.  And that's to be an example our son would be proud to emulate.

Simple question - "If my son or daughter were living how I'm living, would I be ok with that?"  I said simple - not easy.  That could certainly be a painful question for some.  I know for me there are certain things I would want him to copy, and certain things I would hypocritically teach him not to do.

I don't know what the world will be like when our son is my age, but I do know what type of world I'd like to create for him.  That part is up to me and mom.  We're responsible for shaping the type of man he'll hopefully grow into.  Its our job to imagine who we want our son to become, and then get busy being that!

Who's Raising Who?

We're now officially passed the half-way point of the pregnancy.  And when I say "we" I mean "her".  I'm exactly as far along physically as I was 22 weeks ago.  Mentally?  Well, that's a different story.

Is it normal to gauge every decision on whether or not we would find it acceptable if our children were acting the same way?  When I find myself getting bent out of shape over something, I simply ask myself, "How would you feel if your son were reacting the same way to a similar circumstance?"  

Its become not just about being proud of myself, but being someone I not only want my son to be proud of, but someone he would be proud to emulate.  Isn't it strange how we grow up seeking our fathers approval, and then raise children that we hope are also proud of us?  Its a cycle that continues from generation to generation, from father to son, and so on and so on.

I've already started noticing the differences in my personality since finding out about impending fatherhood.  He's not here quite yet, but here's what I've learned so far:

1. Our son will fill up a diaper, whether I enjoy the smell of excrement in the morning or not.  He doesn't need to adjust, I need to.
2. They say 93% of communication is non-verbal.  Well that's not going to cut it considering 100% of their communication is non-verbal early on.  I've learned how to voice my opinion well, but acting out opinions in a game of baby charades is going to be a new experience.
3. Mom is always right.  Enough said.
4. My role is ever evolving.  There will be times when I need to play housekeeper, and times when I need to be the "boss", still second to Mom, but a boss nonetheless.  Being flexible is key.
5. Being stupid is also ok.  If I need to put face paint on, bark like a dog, or dress up like Santa, than thats the breaks.  Being stupid for our sons enjoyment?  Priceless.
6. Sleep is overrated.  I don't sleep much to begin with, which should help once baby makes landfall.  I'm being told I will have a new found respect for sleep once the baby is here.  We'll see.
7. Being a "Stay At Home CEO" is going to be a huge advantage, with some disadvantages, all at once.
8. Mom is always right.  Worth repeating.
9. There will probably be a day where baby, Mom and dog are all crying, upset, and hungry.  My mission, which I've already accepted, is to be the cooler head.  Its my job to put one to bed, sooth another, and feed the remaining......in no particular order.
10. Its possible to read everything about fatherhood, and know absolutely nothing, yet feel excited about it at the same time.  

I still remember the first time I felt the baby kicking......well, not exactly kicking.  I've been feeling flutters for weeks, and the butterflies are in a frenzy for sure.  Its almost like interviewing for a job that you've already been hired for, that you're not entirely sure if your suited or prepared for.  You're grateful for the job, couldn't imagine not having it, but know there will be moments when you question your ability.  But the best approach - jump in head first, mom in one hand, baby in the other.  If this isn't "On-The-Job Training" I don't know what is.

New Parents Scared Straight

We are to parenthood, what hurricane warnings are to Floridians.  The scare tactics companies (and close friends and relatives) use once learning we were having a baby boy are disrespectful, rude, imposing, negative.....and effective.

If there's not a YouTube video for "Crazy Sh*t New Parents Say", there should be...and there probably will be. With each week that passes by my partner in parenting gets a little bigger, slightly less mobile, and even more gorgeous than I thought possible.  She's amazing, and in spite of a full plate (sometimes literally) she's avoided binge eating on pickles, and hasn't had a serious case of morning sickness to date.  The one downside - as the due date nears, "our" fears grow alongside it.

I say "ours" en quote because I didn't even know we were suppose to worry about many of these things.  It's the classic case of "you don't know what you don't know" syndrome.  While I was skipping along ignorantly in bliss-land, she was consuming every baby book, magazine and newsletter available to her.  Most of which are filled with extremely helpful information that I'll learn the hard way, I'm sure.  I still think I prefer that method over the scared straight program aimed at unsuspecting new parents like myself.  Things I know for a fact that OUR parents and grandparents never had to consider.....and are likely laughing over at this very moment.

Here's my list of  "Ridiculous Sh*t New Parents Have To Worry About in 2012":

- Crib bumpers are now a serious health hazard, and even banned in certain states.

- Multiple air bags in car seats.....which should only be installed by a fire fighter, or someone certified to install baby car seats, who has at least 6 children of their own.

- Air quality in the baby's room.  And stressing the importance of an air purifier and humidifier in their room.  What's next?  The Toddler Sauna System by Whirlpool??

- Anything and everything that moves needs anti-lock breaks.  That means strollers, bassinets, swings, those bouncy seats, etc.  Until they reach the age of 5....at which point we just put the wheels directly into their shoes.

- Motion sensors under their mattress to detect lack of movement.....isn't the whole point of a mattress to get them to stop moving?

- Organic bed sheets, clothes, soap...and everything for that matter.  If its not organic they may morph into some type of mutant zombie baby.

- Baby wipe warmers, because parents prefer a diaper change to more closely resemble a spa experience for their little one.

- High chairs with or without the iPod dock??  As if getting kids to eat healthy wasn't hard enough - now we have to make sure their pureed carrots come with a touchscreen tv. (Not happening)

- Aroma baby bath salts.

I should probably mention that as much as I make fun of all the insanity that comes along with parenting warnings, I've bought into most of them.  I figure organic baby food may cost more, and may not make a huge difference, but if it helps even a minuscule amount - why wouldn't I?  I guess that's why we fall into most of these traps.  The majority of "New Age Parents" gladly pay the price associated with being paranoid parents.  The risk of doing nothing is too great.

Sure, my parents probably had no idea that warm wipes were more comfortable for me as a baby....but they probably didn't care either.  Not in a bad way, but in a "you'll be fine without all that jazz" kind of way.  I'm not sure if it's totally out of hand yet - but it's certainly heading in that direction.  I'm all about safety and using technology to improve the growth of our children.  But more than anything else I fear over technology, a lack of self reliance, and over coddling kids these days.

What are some of your legitimate fears, and some that you're sure are overboard?

Week 6 of 26: WOD in The AM = FML

Completing the Workout of the Day, or "WOD", is a challenge in itself.  Completing the WOD at the 6, 7 or 8 AM slots is cruel and unusual punishment.  I envy those of you who can jump out of bed, and into workout gear before the sun is shining.  And I'm one of those people who doesn't sleep much to begin with.  I'm totally functional with 3-5 hours of sleep.  But swapping out the part of my morning dedicated to coffee and reading for burpees, box jumps and kettle bell swings is just not natural.

With less than five months until our little man is born, my schedule is becoming more and more demanding.  My normal 2:00 and 4:00 work out sessions have been pushed aside for extra appointments and meetings with clients.  In my head I told myself, "No problem, people workout in the morning every day."  After all, I'm up by 6:00 anyway, so an 8:00am workout should be no sweat.  Boy was I wrong.

Working out before my body (or my mind) is prepared is like water-boarding while still under the blankets.  OK, maybe that's a little extreme or dramatic.  But for those of you who have made early morning exercises a part of your daily routine, congratulations.  I'm looking more forward to pre-dawn diaper changes than I am 7am WOD's.

Aside from adding an early morning workout to my schedule, I've also already gained 4 pounds.  Some say of "mass", I'm saying of muscle....Pure. Muscle.  Four pounds in 6 weeks is better than I was expecting, but I still have 16 pounds to go, and 20 more weeks to do it in.  Maybe I've bitten off more than I can chew.  Or maybe I need to just continue biting off more than I can chew.  See what I did I there?

164 lbs (+4 lbs total)


Any sage advice for Crossfitting in the AM???  

Out Of The First Trimester, and Into The Fire

Having your first child hits each person differently and at different times.  For some, it might be the second you see a positive test result.  For others, maybe it's not until the baby is delivered.  For me, it was somewhere in between all of that.

Regardless of when the parenting chip kicks in, we all find ourselves going through a roller coaster of emotions, most of which (for men especially) are totally new and foreign.  I went from being a care-free, cock-eyed optimist to being an overly paranoid slightly schizophrenic father-to-be.  I never even paid much attention to children while out in public until I found out I was joining their club.  Now, with absolutely zero parenting experience, I find myself judging and critiquing others parenting abilities in ways that don't even make sense. ....

"Honestly, who straps their kid into the stroller like that!?"  

"Hmmm, hey babe, is it me or are they intentionally trying to make their kid look like Pauly-D??" 

"Oooo, look, look at this lady try and feed her kid goldfish!!  HAHA, you call that feeding???"

"Wow, chicken nuggets??!! You might as well start auditioning her for The Biggest Loser for Toddlers Season 7 now!"

Not sure if I'm the only one who felt that the first trimester would never pass, but now that we're half way through the second trimester, I can hardly keep up.  The list of honey-do's is steadily growing, almost in direct proportion to my lady's stomach.  As uneasy as the first 3 months made me feel, the next 6 are going to be amazingly hectic.  And though I'm sure every parent reading this is saying to themselves "You aint seen nothing yet!", I am already bracing for impact with one hand, and multi-tasking with the other.

High-Five Friday from the Little Man!

I should probably mention something about how all of this has nothing to do with my better half, who has been nothing but amazing over these past 19 weeks.  She's been calm 99% of the time, never gorging herself on pickles or unnecessarily hurling expletives or canned goods in my direction. She focuses on how to redecorate the little guys room, while still working out and an insane schedule, all at the same time.  I don't blame her for making sacrifices in order to continue doing the things that make her feel a sense of normalcy during all the chaos.  And if it means me taking cold showers now and again in order for her to sleep, than so be it.  Sex is SO overrated anyway.....SH*TF%CKBAST&RDMOTH#REFFDEARGODWHY??!!.....ahhhhhh, that's better.

How would we (men) be if we were in their shoes?  Hmmm, maybe this is a subject in itself, but what do you think would be the biggest difference??  What positive/negative traits would we develop upon finding out we were now plus one, and eating on their behalf??  

We still have a ways to go, and even though we're in the middle of an amazingly beautiful and terrifying fire, I'm learning that I have the ability to either fan the flames with my stupidity, or heroically rescue her from the blazing inferno known as planning for first time parenthood. 

It's Just Toothpaste - Bottle-Necking My Relationships

How many of our "strengths" could also be viewed as "weaknesses"?  Are there beliefs or ideals in our lives that we wear like badges of honor, that should probably be treated as scarlet letters?

I'm stubborn - to say the least.  In business, that can (sometimes) be very beneficial.  It helps me to hold onto my strongest pursuits, in spite of any difficulties or challenges.  It keeps me steadfast at times where it's crucial that I not give up.

However, the same traits that are (in my opinion) helping me grow professionally, can really screw things up personally.  Glen Beaman once said, "Stubbornness does have its helpful features.  You always know what you're going to be thinking tomorrow." - That's not good, by the way.

Let's say you possess a strong work ethic, for example.  This positive habit has served you well in the work place.  But the higher you advance in your career, the larger the toll it takes on your relationship with your family, and maybe even your health.  The same things that bring you up in one area, can bring you down in another.

I'm finding that being stubborn can really stunt the growth of a relationship.  I'm quick to argue - sometimes over meaningless things - just to prove a point.  Add to that the fact that I'm a Leo, and what you get is someone who is up for a fight, and rarely willing to back down.  Add another Leo into the mix, and you get a relationship that sometimes feels like its strapped to a case of C-4, with each of us holding a match saying, "You think I wont???"

The best way I can describe my personality is with the classic Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry clip, where he says, "Go ahead, make my day."

I've literally just finished Googling "how to stop being a stubborn boyfriend" - which yielded 4,360,000 results - none of which were helpful.  The first step towards change is admitting you have a problem.  Listen, I have a problem, and I'm as aware of it as the people it effects.  But what to do??

The easy answer is to start backing down, be more humble, less aggressive and take a back seat approach.  They say men don't change, and that women shouldn't expect them to.  I couldn't agree less with such an age old adage.  I believe the right people, in the right situation, will willingly change, for the BETTER, for one another.  One of my favorite sayings is, "You take care of you for me, and I'll take care of me for you."

This is my attempt to "Take care of me".  Apologizing would be so easy, if I just didn't have to say "I'm sorry".  Arguing would seem so much less appealing, if I didn't feel like I needed to "win" at everything.  Making a meaningless point wouldn't be important, if I didn't care about the score.

Obviously I have a lot to think about, and even more to learn.  But how many of us have held onto traits that really only hold us back?  Sure it effects us individually, but it also has a significant impact on those closest to us.  I'm learning, albeit slowly and painfully, that I need to stop competing, and start completing.  Squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, in the grand scheme of things, isn't a big deal, right?  And I'm learning to not care about the score, and just enjoy how lucky I am to be playing the game with someone who makes me better.  I'd rather concede and be the happiest man and father alive, than be conceited and alone.

A Pug and Our Pregnancy

Playing the fiddle sucks.  Other than the triangle, there may be no lamer instrument.  Playing third fiddle....well, that's as low as it gets.  And ever since the lady and I found out we were having our first child, I was knocked out of the starting lineup, and into the role of full-time fiddling.

The pecking order seems out of whack lately, thanks to the pug.  They say that dogs can sense a pregnancy.  And ours is acting stranger than usual.  He spends his time now one step behind mom, looking at me with disgust, out of the corner of his smug pug face. It's as if he's thinking, "Look at you!  Look what you did. Now I need to step in and make sure the dog sh*t doesn't hit the fan.  Do you even know how to raise a child??  Didn't think so - so why don't you just go fill my bowl or fetch the paper or something.  Make yourself useful, while I keep mom entertained."

And the worst part of it all....there's nothing I can do about it.  While mom is prepping herself for motherhood and baby showers, the pug is protecting her, offering all the support she needs.  He just crept right in, and took my starting spot, before I had a chance to defend myself.

I'm left wandering around the house like some tourist in a foreign country where everyone speaks a language I don't understand.  "Food....I think I want food.  I will walk to the kitchen now and look for food.  Then I will eat said food.  And it will be great."  The pug laughs at my simpleness......and goes back to being the ugliest cute dog ever made.

How did this happen?  Just a few months ago, I was the man of the house.  I called the shots.  I had all the power.  Now the pug is in the passenger seat, while I'm hanging out the back window just happy to be in the car with my new owners.

A funny thing happens to us men when we learn about becoming a father for the first time.  Hundreds of books talk about what to do when the little one arrives. But there are very few that give us instructions prior to the baby's arrival.  My preggo partner now weilds all power.  And it's sexy.  And I can't help but smile over her strength, her calm, her cool.  Sex during pregnancy is safe, right?  They say the sex drive really picks up during the second trimester......hers too.  Her hair looks amazing.....and those definitely look bigger....God, how long has it been??  Maybe tonight is the night!!  

I move closer.

She looks at me out of the corner of her eye.

I put my arm around her.  Give her a kiss.  "How you feeling?"

"Pretty good", she says.

"Oh yea?" is the best line I come up with.

"Yea", she responds.

"Well...."  I inch closer......"Why don't we.....

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........

Damn you dog!  Damn you!!  He stares a hole right through me.  I stare back, as if it's a contest.  And I'm not blinking.  I consider jabbing him in the ribs, but realize that would ruin any chance of moving back into the starting lineup and scoring tonight.  She thinks he's being cute.....which means he wins.  Again.  And I go back to resuming my role as head chef/dog walker/errand boy.  I'm getting pretty good at this actually, and only five more months to go!!  I'm learning how to prepare for our growing, and sometimes growling, family - from the end of the bench.