Friday, April 20, 2012

Sh*t First Time Fathers Say/Think

You know that saying, "You don't know what you don't know"?  It was created because of first-time fathers and new parents. Stuff you never thought about, that you didn't think you had to think about consume your thoughts nowadays.

The amount of info that begins to clutter your mind once entering the parenting universe makes you feel like a mental hoarder.  It's real, and we're aware there's a lot of crap piling up.  We do our best to act like its really not that bad, but internally we're panicking about where to even start.

And a little voice in the back of our mind asks, "How did it get THIS bad?"  or  "You didn't know this was a problem?"

Moms-to-be, listen carefully - It's not that we're not listening to you, its just that we're trying to listen to you AND ourselves, at the same time.

Not sure if your guy is engaged in a mental tug-of- war with himself??  Here's an easy way to find out:  Start talking to him about the baby shower and/or redecorating the baby's room, then, out of nowhere, ask him what he thinks.....

If he straightens up, starts oddly touching his own face, avoiding eye-contact, and says, "Uh, whatever you want babe"....he's not all there.

We're excited....and confused.  Almost in equal amounts.

Some of the Sh*t First Time Fathers Say/Think would include, but are not limited to:

  • What in the world is maple-syrup urine disorder?
  • "So how long after the baby is born before we can, you know....?"
  • Does the hospital have free wi-fi?
  • I wish they sold diapers by the pound
  • "What do you mean we have to point "it" down??"
  • "So how much longer before we can, you know...?"
  • Where can I get an infant sized tuxedo?
  • Is it legal to pump in public?
  • Is it still organic if its not certified?
  • "So what exactly is cord blood, and why does it cost that much?"
  • "Yea, of course I think a baby wipe warmer is a necessity"
  • I think my son would win the Hunger Games
  • I'll just sleep when he naps
  • "Lactation class??  Yea, I'd love to go with you to that!"
  • "Was that him kicking?  What about that?  Was that it?  There? How about now?"
  • "Of course I'll make you pancakes, won-ton soup and ice cream for dinner!"
  • "Are you sure it hasn't been six weeks yet??"
What are some impossible, funny, ridiculous things you thought or said as a debut daddy!!??

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